Saying NO

No. It's such a small word; just two letters. However, there is a considerable amount of power behind it. The power to stop things or to prevent them from happening. This power has always appealed to me. I wanted to know what it would feel like to use it, but it seemed like I would never find out.

Compliant is what you would have called me. I always agreed to whatever people said to me, letting them walk all over me as if I were a doormat. These people left their muddy footprints behind. It was left smeared all over myself and my life, preventing me from standing up for myself and for what I believe. No one tells you this but, saying no takes one a lot of courage. I lacked this courage. It scared me how easy it was for people to have their own way with me but confrontation was never my best suit.

Everyday on social media, on the news and in my day to day life, I saw men and women standing up for themselves, saying no to oppression and discrimination and refusing to be put down but instead rising up to stand for what they believe.

Looking at them, I knew I had to try to stop being the doormat that I was, letting people walk all over me. For if those people were brave enough to take a stand for themselves and their belief, then what was stopping me? Wasn't I every bit the human they were?

So I plucked up every bit of courage I had in me, took a deep breath, looked at oppression in the eye and said no. It was weak and watery at first and I almost felt like giving up and going back to being compliant but then I realised if I did that, then all the people who considered me something that was worth trampled on would have won. So I gritted my teeth and tried again. This time the word rang out from my lips loud and clear.

NO!

I felt freedom. The freedom that I have been denied all this time. The freedom, I realised with a start, that I had been denying myself because I refused to stand up for myself. I felt like an Eagle. I felt like I was on top of the world and nothing could bring me down. I felt strong and and powerful. Nobody could bring me down.

Such was the power of the word no.

Sometimes though they tried to fight back, my oppressors. They tried to make me as compliant as I was before. It was during these times that I had tell myself NO. NO I will not let these people oppress me again. NO I will not lie down and let them walk over me. NO I will not be compliant. I will instead take a stand for what I am and what I believe, and if they were to bring me down, I will go down fighting.

This essay was written by Banupriya Kadirgamasamy. You can find her here